Comparisons Part One

I have been meaning to write about this topic for a while now but just have not had the time to do so. Thus, I am going to break it up over few posts. Besides, most days are pretty normal and I LOVE IT! It leaves little to log into Stellita's blog.

Anyway, over the months our dear Stella has been compared, by us, to many people or things that best exemplify one of her characteristic or expressions.

For example, one of the first comparisons that we made and one that we still use in general conversation is "Beaker."

"Did Stella make beaker?" That's the question we ask to see just how mad she was. And when she does make "beaker" we know she is ______!"

For example. We took Stella to get some photos done at J.C. Penny's. The last time we hired a photographer it was not the best experience as we got a total of six usable photos out of the hundred that were taken. So we thought we would gamble with one of these specials that are close to free and try and give it another shot at getting professional quality photos. 

It was going along swimmingly.

I'm lying. It was bad from the start. Belinda made me promise not to show you all the photos cause you can see the slow demise of Stella's attitude and because you would look at those photos and just think we were torturing her.

The first problem was that we had to wait an extra 45 mins for our set appointment cause the photographer was trying to milk the mom in front of us out of all her hard earned money. I have come to understand that with children a 45 min delay never ends well for anyone. Anyway, I will give the sales person credit. She accessed the situation and then she acted swiftly. That family didn't know what hit them. She knew that if she offered the husband a drink and showed him where the comfy chairs were across the room she could separate the wife from the pack and pounce. And pounce she did. I hadn't seen a coordinated effort like that since I would stay up late rocking Stella watching When Animal's Attack. Like sheep to the wolves she bought every possible photo and package available.

I remember hearing the large total price that couple paid and thought to my self, "bring it."

So we finally get to the back room for the photos. They have several fans on trying to keep everyone cool as its a sauna in this 10ft by 10ft room with many lights. The girl who was the "photographer" starts by asking us, "do you know what kind of photos you want taken?" Now, I understand that commissioned artist seek inspiration from their benefactors, but the questions this chica was asking were more along the lines of, "do you know what this button does on the camera?" She told us to pose Stella sitting up so we could get her dress. We politely explained that being an infant, that was not an option. I also went a head and let her know that at her age children don't speak either.

So she brings out this wooden create and shoves some towels in the center of it and says that we can just sit her in there. We put Stella in the thing and all her wiggling around causes her to move lower, and lower, and lower until she is practically laying down with her dress up above her waist and her feet flaring. After each click of the camera, the image pops up on a monitor where you can immediately see it. The girl looks at the monitor and starts to say, "Oh, so do you want me to put this photo in the folder for possible prints?"

"Yeah, no."

So after some jumping around by me to get Stella to smile and some readiness by Belinda to have an alternative to the splinter ridden tomato create the shop used, we were able to get maybe four photos out of the fifty. The photos shown above were early in the process. The ones later in the process didn't make the cut.

Once they took all the photos they moved us to the computer where they showed us the proofs. I haven't told Stella "no" as many times as I told that lady. And the reason I don't tell Stella "no" is well because she doesn't understand what that means. Apparently, neither did this lady. 

"Can you point to me your ten favorite photos sir?"

        "No, but I can show you the four."

"Um, OK well i need ten to run the program for a photo gallery."

        "Yeah, I won't be buying that."

"OK, well if I use only the four I am unable to show you the canvas option that comes with the premium package ...."

        "nor that"

"Well, there is also the photo with........"

        "nope"

It went on until she got the hint. We wanted the basic package and only the basic package. Even then we picked photos which were not our favorite, but tended to have some redeeming qualities only because the package was required to have at least six different poses.

Belinda was ready to walk out as soon as the last photo was taken but it was I who made the call to get the prints. And the only reason I wanted the basic package was because we were finally able to capture the infamous "beaker."

Trust me, I had tried to take a photo of "beaker" before. But the glare I got when as Stella started to cry and I went to reach for the camera instead of her made it easier to choose life and put the camera down.

This is Stella doing "beaker." Once it came out we knew it was over.

 

This is the real Beaker