Cornyval

Yes that is a real festival. It makes sense once you know that we actually live in Corn, Texas. I personally prefer to refer to it as the city of Corn. Others around these parts just call it Helotes.

So in this bussling suburb of San Antonio with population of 2,000 they have an anual corn festival at the beginning of May. I am sure that there is a history to the festival, but I like to think that like most things in this area its just another reason to party.

As you know I am not a big fan of fiesta so I was a bit reluctant about this festival. I will say it again, I really don't see the need for spending 6 bucks on a turkey leg, even though they are finger licking good, when you can get yourself a wrangler plate with turkey and sides at Bill Millers. Not to mention you will avoid looking like Fred Filnstone walking around knawing on a bone. But I promised Belinda we would go since we were unable to go to fiesta. She was looking forward to having a funnel cake and I was looking forward to eating the 80 percent of the funnel cake she would have left over.

That morning the whole thing was almost called off when I was enroute to get us barbacoa and I was surronded by the Queen of Corn and her royal court. Turns out the main road to Tejas Barbacoa is closed off for the festival parade. While I'm sure it was posted somewhere not to go down Bandera on Saturday I apparently did not get the memo and was hence forced to do evassive menovers to avoid being stuck in a parade route with people yelling, "Show us your shoes!" (It's a San Antonio thing.)

Luckly the delay was not extensive so I was not forced to call off our excursion due to a simple messup.

So we made it to the festival and driving in was a breeze. Parking was even better. It was FREE! As you walked to the gate everyone said "howdy" and and smiled. Once in the grounds there was none of the usual unwelcomed smell of outdoor festivals only the smell of roasted corn. It was a nicley run event and I would higly recommend it for the locals.

Stella enjoyed all the many things to see. From fake purses to goldfish in a two inch bowl. They had this huge swimming pool filled with real fish that little kids put a fishing rod in to try and catch a fish. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel. literally. The kids loved it. They would catch their small fish and take their photo and politely put the fish back in the water.

We concluded our visit with Belinda getting her funnel cake. You can see Mrs. Chapa in the back ordering the funnel cake and a man standing next to her. Right after I took this photo I went to relieve Mrs. Chapa from waiting in line and was immediately engaged into a conversation with the man behind the corn.

"You got yourself a pretty little lady there." I of course had no idea what he was talking about. He could have been talking about any one of the Chapa women. So I cordually responded thank you and returned to asking for extra sugar on the funnel cake. He then went on to say, "You know, I had four kids. Three of them were boys and one was a girl. That one girl gave me more problems then all three of my boys combined." I at that point realized that his previous comment was about Stella.

"Well I'm sure we have a firecracker on our hands, but we are looking forward to it" I told him.

"Yeah well, I was one swing away from going to prision because of my girl. Her husband didn't know your not suppose to hit a lady so I told him I would kill him." As he said the last part of his sentence he trusted his corndog at me.

"Oh. Wow. Ok. Well I'm glad you avoided that. I'm sure it's not much fun in prision." I mean what do you say to that?

"I beat the (insert explatives here) out of him and stopped short of killing him cause I had already served one sentence and I wasn't going to do that again."

"Well, I'm sure once is enough for most of us Sir. It was a pleasure speaking to you." Belinda could tell by the look on my face that we need to execute a speedy exit to avoid more advice from the man behind the corn.

"You take care of her you hear me." were his parting words to me.

"I will do sir. Enjoy your corndog."

Once we made it home Stella was pooped. She conked right out in her mom's arms and had a nice long nap. She had a long day in the sun crusing around looking and all the carnies and rides. I hope she enjoyed her first festival. As she sat there being held by Belinda I started to think about what that crazy man was saying. Was she going to a hand full? Was she going to create a situation that might lead me to jail. Nah! And even if she did, I know a few people in the criminal justice system that might be able to help me out. And no I do not mean I have gone to jail. So Stella when you read this, know that I have read enough police reports and criminal files to learn a couple of tricks. Portate bien mija.