Help, We're Being Held Hostage

Our captor is a 9 pound dictator. She told us the rules would be simple and that if we followed them no one would get hurt.

Rule #1: If "La Reyna" (That's what she told us to refer to her as) is sleeping there is to be no noise. It does not matter if you are cooking her dinner the mere sound of a fork hitting a plate will trigger her alarm. It does not matter if you are opening the oven to bring out baked goods for her. The sound of that will also trigger the alarm. We walk around on eggshells making certain to brake none. We walk around in slow motion so that not a door closes any faster that is acceptable to our Reyna.

Rule #2: If "La Rayna" does not want to sleep, no one sleeps. Any attempts to trick her by one party attending to her while the other rests will be thwarted as it was explained that both parties must be present at all times in the event she wants to be held, fed, or walked around the house.

Rule #3: There is a mandatory rave party every night and everyone must attend. During the party there are no drugs or alcohol but the intoxicated state that is typical for most of these types of party is provided via a lack of sleep. At this party the lights will be turned on and off to simulate a proper dance floor for "La Rayna." The only beverage served is formula or milk.

Rule #4: No lights are to be turned on during her diaper change. Any such attempt to turn lights on will be destroyed by a screech high enough to shatter glass.

Rule #5: There is no crying by anyone accept La Reyna. I believe she saw me almost violate this rule and I was forced to pull weeds in the back yard.

Rule #6: There will be a rule review every day at 12am, 2am, 4am, and 6am. The rest of the time it will be enforced as necessary.

When you come to our assistance and make entry into her compound do not be fooled. Her attempts to play possum and sleep the entire time you are here are all part of her cover. Yes, she will flash momentary smile and make a cute face when you are here, but once you leave she will remind us of all the rules again.

I leave y'all with this. Notice that all her photos are of her asleep. Coincidence? I think not.